Ah, Maltese mothers. The gems of the nation and the bane of our existence (at times). Maltese mothers are basically oracles when it comes to running our lives, but they’ve done things along the years that have left us gobsmacked too... here are just some of them.

1. Buying big school uniforms

That shit ain’t cheap! Of course your mum is going to buy you a huge school uniform, particularly that blazer, and if she’s lucky, your younger sibling will use it too! Solution: hemming. Mums would hem the bottom of the trousers, (and even sweaters and blazers) so that once you grow a little, she’ll take down the hem a little. It was a game of growing and hemming, and almost always - the growing would win.

2. She’s in touch with Mother Nature

The woman has got an ingrained weather forecast. “You’re going to feel cold with that t-shirt. Hu gakketta mieghek!” (take a jacket). But, being the rebel teenager you were, you wouldn’t, only to live to regret the moment you didn’t listen to your mum – and that moment would be when you’re freezing your teenage toes off.

3. Buying big school shoes (yep, those too)

Her remedy? Cotton wool in the front and at the heel. Nothing like a little padding to fill the spaces. Is it rubbing your feet and producing blisters? Tough cookie. Dak ghandek! (That’s what you’ve got).

4. Twinning with the cousins

Especially if you’re the younger cousin, you’d be wearing the same outfit for a few years even as you grow up because your older cousin would hand down that very same outfit for you to wear again for the next few years.

5. Wearing clothes to death

We’d wear clothes until we literally couldn’t fit our head through the hole anymore. A long-sleeved top would literally become a three-quarter-sleeved top. Trousers? The same. We really used things to their max!

6. They’re basically prophets

Whatever she said in the past is now 100 per cent true and there’s no denying it. “Dak l-eyeshadow wisq, binti,” (that eyeshadow is a little much), she’d say. But it was a trend, so OBVIOUSLY you’re going to follow it. Looking back now, you’ve made better fashion choices.

7. They’re part of the CIA, if Malta has one

There’s no hiding shit from your Maltese mama. She knows everything you’ve done. “I’ve got eyes everywhere, ruhi!” so don’t bother lying. She’s got connections in every town, so if you’re up to no good, she’ll know. And you know what that means – lembuba, bro.

8. Insult queens

One thing that surely baffles us is their incredible amount of insults generated weekly. A little bloated from the one pizza you treated yourself to? “Qed titbaccac naqra…” (You’re getting a little flabby). #ThanksMa

BONUS: Protective AF

All in all, we love them to pieces, and no matter what trouble we get ourselves into, they’ll protect us like we’re the last bottle of gin on the planet. They ain’t letting go, so don’t mess with mama bear.

Have you experienced any of these?