"Be true to yourself, and don't let society’s lack of understanding result in your own self-hate."
The LGBT+ community in Malta is one of the most advanced in its laws, rights and movements, but the ‘T’ in the LGBT community is sometimes forgotten. Maltese transgender model Karly May explains the ups and downs of being transgender in Malta; giving us the inside scoop from her own personal experience.
What's does transgender actually mean? How do you describe it to someone who has absolutely no idea?
"Two years ago, my then nine year old nephew asked his mother if “Aunty Karly was a man”, as that is what someone had told him. She of course called me to see how best to handle the situation, so I took it upon myself to deal with it, as it was going to happen another three times with my other nephews and niece. Having sought advice from a psychologist, I was informed that when a child asks, it means that they are ready to have their questions answered.
"So I decided to be honest with him. Initially, he couldn't wrap his head around it, so the easiest way I got him to understand was by telling him to imagine he was born in a female body and that every day the reflection in the mirror did not match who he really was. I moved on to telling him that for that reflection to match who I really am, I started making some changes, such as changing my name, wearing female clothes, and having some medical procedures, and that is how the reflection now matches what is on the inside. I tried to give real life scenarios and didn't give examples like 'boys who play with dolls' and 'girls who play football', as that is not a characteristic purely linked to being transgender."
Being transgender in Malta: what have you experienced in your early days, and what have you fully realised now?
"Anger. I was a very angry teen, primarily because my body was developing in a way I did not want it to, and of course I felt lost not knowing where I fit in society, resulting in a lot of insecurity and self-hate. Moreover, there wasn't the knowledge and awareness that is available today, so that made it that much harder.
"Fortunately, the bubble of equality and safety I grew up in enabled me to do what other teens, did such as go to sixth form, go clubbing and even work as a sales assistant part-time. Making friends, especially with cis-gender heterosexual girls and people who already identified as gay or lesbian, came relatively easy.
"I am now a lot more aware of the realities people in my community face, so looking back I cannot help but count my blessings, as the only harassment I faced was stares and some name calling. While I am grateful for my 'blissful' adolescence, I wish I was more aware about the struggles people like me face. Now that I am aware, I tirelessly use my social media platform to raise more awareness about my community, in the hopes of helping others in not feeling that they are lesser because they identify as transgender."
Has the Maltese public been welcoming in your journey or do you still have moments of fear in society?
"So far, it has been an overwhelmingly positive response. Even if it has only been a year since I went 'public' with my story and activism, I have always been open about myself with those around me, being family, friends and colleagues.
"The only hindrance I believe to have suffered in being in the public eye is employment opportunities. Earlier this year I needed to find a new job as the company I worked for closed down. While in all the interviews I attended I was treated politely, I could not help but feel that there was some cautiousness regarding possible impacts that my employment could have on a certain business or brand. Even if I have no way of proving this, I still feel that despite all the progressive laws we have, our presence might still be uncomfortable in certain places."
Being 'out' in general is quite a bold move. How do you think that trans people differ from the rest of the LGBT+ community?
"In general, the experience of coming out to friends and family can range from scary and difficult to exciting and liberating. It’s different for everyone and there’s no one way to come out. Although both involve telling friends and family about your identity, there are differences between coming out as lesbian, gay or bisexual and coming out as transgender. A lot of people know what it means for a person to be gay, but there’s still a lot of confusion and misinformation out there about what it means to be transgender, and sometimes coming out or being outed as transgender can mean your identity is misunderstood, disrespected, or disbelieved.
"Coming out as transgender is more complex since this means that you have to tell people about your preferred pronouns, to call you by a new name and to think of you by the gender identity that you identify with. Sometimes it takes people a while to get comfortable with all of the above, and they may make mistakes when referring to you, even if they do not mean to, especially those closest to you. What I cannot tolerate is people referring to me in the incorrect pronouns, especially when meeting me for the first time or worse, having never met me at all."
What is Malta (and the world in general's) biggest misconception of you? And does your inner saboteur ever agree?
"I still struggle to accept the fact that despite laws, access to information and awareness, transgender individuals are still constantly deemed less than cis gender individuals. Men who have dated me were labelled gay because I will never be “a real woman”. All this translates to one damning truth, which is that a substantial part of society still thinks that transgender women are not women.
"In my transition days, I craved so much to be considered a woman that I solely focused on being the most feminine version of myself and to be seen as such. This resulted in other aspects of my life, such as education, taking the backseat. Having gone through all this, I always advocate to younger people who are transitioning to still give importance to all the aspects in their life because after the transition is complete, no one hands you a prize for it. In this regard, three years ago I enrolled for a Bachelor’s Degree at the University of Malta."
Do you have any words of advice for individuals who don't quite find themselves in their given bodies?
"The best piece of advice I can pass on is to be true to yourself, and do not let society’s lack of understanding result in your own self-hate.
"Safety first – if you are in a situation where you are in danger by being 'true to you', do your utmost to seek help and work hard to get to a place where you are free to be exactly who you are meant to be.
"Since transitioning, I must admit, life is good. I have a good relationship with my family - which is something I did not have growing up, assuming they would not understand me - and my self-confidence has definitely improved. For the most part, my anger has subsided, however it does make a comeback when faced with injustice, others’ or my own – I’m learning to channel it productively through my activism and trying to make the world a slightly less unjust place."
What does Pride mean to you?
"Pride was a riot and this year we are celebrating the fiftieth anniversary from the Stonewall riots. Therefore, Pride to me is a celebration of the rights my community has rightfully claimed and serves as a reminder that our brothers and sisters in other countries are still fighting for their rights.
"Pride to me also means accepting who you are and being proud of all you stand for, regardless of what people may believe or think. It is basically telling the world: this is who I am and I am proud of it."
Wise words Karly May - we support you all the way!